Random Tour Thoughts

I don't know very many cyclists that don't follow the Tour de France every July. It's the world's biggest bike race, although I don't find it as interesting as many of the spring classics. Most of us could never ride as fast as those professionals do, and probably wouldn't even be very comfortable packed into the tight peleton. I know that I would hate to do one of those climbs through a tunnel of people cheering in my face, throwing water on me, and so forth ... but I guess it's better than having somebody throw tobacco spit on me.

Usually, when RandoGirl and I watch the Tour, we watch it on the DVR. We record the morning's live feed, and then fast forward through the commercials (the dog that buys insurance is very cute this year, and the song is catchy, but after the 10th time in one hour anything gets old). We also fast-forward through the flat stuff, and the commercials that masquerade as features (George Hincapie did not look sincere when he was talking about Easton wheels) and anytime Gogo talks. I'm sorry ... I know that he raced with Kent Bostick, who is kind of local, but Todd Gogulski makes me uncomfortable. He's like the buck-toothed guy at a party that is trying way too hard to make the pretty girl like him. He knows he's the new kid there, and that (unlike Paul and Bobke) he never raced the Tour himself. He seems to know what he's talking about, though, and will hopefully someday get over his inferiority complex.

I've also been watching the Tour this year on my iPad, using NBC's Tour de France All Access app. Last week, I had it on a few days at work, mostly just listening while I "worked." It's the same stuff that they show on Versus, but without the commercials (the dog ones -- you still get the George-loves-Easton ones). There's not much Bobke, which is a bummer, but for that you have to watch the evening show.

What did we ever do before the Internet?

The downside of all this access is that we obviously have too much media on the road with the riders this year. Between motorcycles and cars hitting riders, we also get too much film of riders starting to relieve themselves. Every night, you get a shot of some riders pulling over to the side and Phil says something about how somebody may be in a bit of bother, and then they turn to the side of the road and start to pull down the front of their bib shorts, and the camera moves away just in time. I even saw one guy in a breakaway actually move to the side and -- still riding -- begin to pee. This is why you never touch a bike racer's saddle without putting on nitrile gloves first.

Speaking of television cars hitting cyclists, I'm not really happy with the way that they're dealing with the one that hit Juan-Antonio Flecha and (by proxy) Johnny Hoogerland. Everyone seems fine with the driver's excuse that he had to come over to avoid hitting that tree, but watch the footage and you'll see that there are trees all along that side of the road.

So, he's "surprised" that one tree might come a little closer to the edge of the road? And, rather than maybe scrape the side of his car, he decides to whack Flecha instead? I just keep thinking about the thousands of times when I've been passed by a car in a blind curve, and I've wondered then, "What if there had been a truck coming the other way?" Would the soccer mom with two kids in the back choose to test the collision claims on her Range Rover, or would it be "Bye-bye, RandoBoy."

Johnny Hoogerland seems willing to turn the other cheek (the one that didn't get 20 stitches from barbed wire), but I'm afraid that the car-driving population will watch this and think, "Well, he got through that all right." I'd rather that the car-driving population watch this and think, "From now on, I will make sure that the road is clear before I begin to pass a bicyclist."

A man's gotta dream.

As to the race itself, it's been fun. Contador looks like a spoiled brat, and I'm kind of glad. Paul and Phil talk about his "bad luck," but you make your own luck. Lance won seven straight, and maybe some of that was good luck -- he didn't have any flats during that stretch, but how much of that was due to using the right tires at the right pressure and not riding over broken glass? Lance prepared. He test-rode the course. He had a great team -- both on and off the course. And he had the right equipment.

It's a poor carpenter that blames his hammer. Don't throw your bike into the ditch.

Ten Questions

One of the keys to becoming a famous blogger is to post at least once a week. As one of the tallest ultra-cycling bloggers in middle Tennessee, I must apologize for falling short of the mark last week. I have two excuses:

1. I've been really, really busy.
2. This busy-ness has kept me from riding, which is kind of what this blog is about. Since I didn't have any cool rides to write about, why waste your reading time?

Nonetheless, irregardless, and avada kedavra in perpetuem, there have been a few things going on lately that I could tell you about. In the interest of brevity, however, I'm going to use the literary device known as "Ten Questions with ..." to tell you about them. Bicycling Magazine regularly does this to interview luminaries of the cycling world -- or daytime soap opera stars who recently completed their first t-shirt ride -- because it requires no face-time and can be done via an email exchange with the soap opera stars publicist.

For today's column, the part of soap opera star will be played by RandoBoy (RB). Bicycling Magazine is BM, of course. This explains why every edition has an article telling you how to "Lose Five Pounds Fast," since the magazine is mostly crap.

BM: Hey! What is that supposed to mean?

RB: I mean that people should go ride rather than sit on their butts reading about this great ceviche recipe made by a chef who used to be a Cat 5 racer. You want to lose weight? Stop carrying around some stupid magazine.

By the way, that counts as one of your questions.

BM: Wow. Okay, then. Why have you been so busy lately?

RB: Well, work's been a little busy, but mostly it's house stuff. We've got some major projects going on there.

BM: Can you tell me more about them?

RB: No.

BM: Why not?

RB: Because they're secret. You're running out of questions.

BM: Why didn't you do a blog about Memphis?

RB: I did. The one about not riding most of that week so Max could race Saturday.

BM: But why didn't you write about the race afterwards?

RB: Well, Max barely avoided a crash going into the last kilometer, so he ended up in 18th place. I didn't want to write about that -- it just sounded "whiney."

BM: But didn't he win the time trial?

RB: Yeah, he did okay there.

BM: Okay?! He finished with an average speed over 30 mph, right?

RB: Yeah, but it was just four miles.

BM: Still, that was much better than last year, wasn't it?

RB: Last year, Memphis was his first time trial. This year, he had a time trial bike, the helmet, more experience ... all that stuff.

BM: So, why didn't Max write a blog crowing about it?

RB: Because it's only funny when he barely wins something. It's much more funny when he loses and makes excuses. When he actually does something that lives up to the name "Max Watzz" then ... well, it just isn't as funny.

BM: Well, who died and made you the king of comedy?

RB: Sorry, but you've used up your questions.