Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Ten Questions

One of the keys to becoming a famous blogger is to post at least once a week. As one of the tallest ultra-cycling bloggers in middle Tennessee, I must apologize for falling short of the mark last week. I have two excuses:
  1. I've been really, really busy.
  2. This busy-ness has kept me from riding, which is kind of what this blog is about. Since I didn't have any cool rides to write about, why waste your reading time?
Nonetheless, irregardless, and avada kedavra in perpetuem, there have been a few things going on lately that I could tell you about. In the interest of brevity, however, I'm going to use the literary device known as "Ten Questions with ..." to tell you about them. Bicycling Magazine regularly does this to interview luminaries of the cycling world -- or daytime soap opera stars who recently completed their first t-shirt ride -- because it requires no face-time and can be done via an email exchange with the soap opera stars publicist.

For today's column, the part of soap opera star will be played by RandoBoy (RB). Bicycling Magazine is BM, of course. This explains why every edition has an article telling you how to "Lose Five Pounds Fast," since the magazine is mostly crap.

BM: Hey! What is that supposed to mean?

RB: I mean that people should go ride rather than sit on their butts reading about this great ceviche recipe made by a chef who used to be a Cat 5 racer. You want to lose weight? Stop carrying around some stupid magazine.

By the way, that counts as one of your questions.

BM: Wow. Okay, then. Why have you been so busy lately?

RB: Well, work's been a little busy, but mostly it's house stuff. We've got some major projects going on there.

BM: Can you tell me more about them?

RB: No.

BM: Why not?

RB: Because they're secret. You're running out of questions.

BM: Why didn't you do a blog about Memphis?

RB: I did. The one about not riding most of that week so Max could race Saturday.

BM: But why didn't you write about the race afterwards?

RB: Well, Max barely avoided a crash going into the last kilometer, so he ended up in 18th place. I didn't want to write about that -- it just sounded "whiney."

BM: But didn't he win the time trial?

RB: Yeah, he did okay there.

BM: Okay?! He finished with an average speed over 30 mph, right?

RB: Yeah, but it was just four miles.

BM: Still, that was much better than last year, wasn't it?

RB: Last year, Memphis was his first time trial. This year, he had a time trial bike, the helmet, more experience ... all that stuff.

BM: So, why didn't Max write a blog crowing about it?

RB: Because it's only funny when he barely wins something. It's much more funny when he loses and makes excuses. When he actually does something that lives up to the name "Max Watzz" then ... well, it just isn't as funny.

BM: Well, who died and made you the king of comedy?

RB: Sorry, but you've used up your questions.

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