Thursday, May 20, 2010

News Flash: RandoBoy "Wins" Tour de France

Paris, France (Hubris International Press Service) -- In a stunning announcement today, the Union Cycliste Internationale (UCI) announced that beloved cycling blogger RandoBoy won the 2006 Tour de France. The UCI then went on to announce that RandoBoy has won every Tour de France "since Baron Eddy Mercxx finally retired in 1978," making RandoBoy the first 31-time Tour winner.

The news is doubly stunning in light of the fact that RandoBoy did not participate in the 2006 Tour de France, or any other Tour de France.

Pat McQuaid, president of the UCI, said that the organization's actions were precipitated by the recent revelations from Floyd Landis that "everyone in the pro peloton is a doper."

"I knew it all along," McQuaid said, "but now that Floyd has narc'd them all out, we're stripping them of their titles. Only riders who can prove that they ride clean will be allowed to win."

When asked how RandoBoy managed to prove that he rode clean, McQuaid answered, "Oh, come on. Look at how slow the poor bastard is. He's got to be riding clean."

When contacted at the RandoCave, RandoBoy said, "Really? Gee, that's kind of cool. Do I get one of those yellow jerseys? Do you think I could get Lance to sign one?"

Max Watzz could not be reached for comment.


  1. I am totally saddened and disillusioned by Floyd's revelations. I am one of the poor saps who believed his repeated protestations of innocence. I saw his "miraculous" recovery ride in the TdeF and believed that he could have pulled it off with training and heart. Riders like Randoboy deserve the titles and accolades if the pros can't ride clean.

  2. That Stage 17 was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. Hearing that he was doping on it is like hearing that the Mona Lisa was paint-by-numbers. It's still beautiful, but definitely cheapens it.