Paris, France (Hubris International Press Service) -- In a stunning announcement today, the Union Cycliste Internationale (UCI) announced that beloved cycling blogger RandoBoy won the 2006 Tour de France. The UCI then went on to announce that RandoBoy has won every Tour de France "since Baron Eddy Mercxx finally retired in 1978," making RandoBoy the first 31-time Tour winner.
The news is doubly stunning in light of the fact that RandoBoy did not participate in the 2006 Tour de France, or any other Tour de France.
Pat McQuaid, president of the UCI, said that the organization's actions were precipitated by the recent revelations from Floyd Landis that "everyone in the pro peloton is a doper."
"I knew it all along," McQuaid said, "but now that Floyd has narc'd them all out, we're stripping them of their titles. Only riders who can prove that they ride clean will be allowed to win."
When asked how RandoBoy managed to prove that he rode clean, McQuaid answered, "Oh, come on. Look at how slow the poor bastard is. He's got to be riding clean."
When contacted at the RandoCave, RandoBoy said, "Really? Gee, that's kind of cool. Do I get one of those yellow jerseys? Do you think I could get Lance to sign one?"
Max Watzz could not be reached for comment.