Saturday, November 19, 2011

The Me Show

I tried something Thursday, just for fun. I feigned Facebook diarrhea.

To be honest, I was being a bit of a smart-ass ... well, maybe more than "a bit." Like far too many people, I am "on" Facebook, which means that I have a log in and go in there every once in a while to see what folks are posting. However, I have a theory: 100 years from now, when America is talked about as "that once great Empire," much as we consider the British and Romans today, there will be dozens of History doctoral candidates writing papers that place the blame of our fall squarely -- and rightfully -- at the time that we wasted on Facebook.

"Yeah, I had a sustainable energy solution in 2012, but I had to post this grainy video I shot with my phone of this dude eating 25 Cadbury eggs in an hour."

We will be like the Greeks then: Broke.

Anyway, here's my Facebook posts for the day.

Someone needs to do a t-shirt ride for Restless Leg Syndrome. I am so there.
 Thursday at 3:59am near Naples, FL

Woke up. Saw some sunlight. Out of bed.
Thursday at 6:24am near Naples, FL

I also posted some pictures, with the following captions:


I need a haircut

Calendar is clear this morning. Looks like a good opportunity for a long bike ride.
 Thursday at 7:28am near Nashville

Until I get the espresso machine fixed again, it's French press or nuthin'

Fed and walked the dog. Now she's happy.

Coffee with Carol on the lanai. Not sure if that tree is supposed to die -- but it seems to be its destiny.

Why do FB posts from my iPad think that I am in Nashville, while posts from my iPhone know that I am in Naples?
 Thursday at 7:32am near Nashville

Hmmm ... which bike to ride this morning?

... and what to wear?

Getting some cash. My bank is less than a quarter of a mile from our house.
 Thursday at 8:10am near Naples, FL

Nice pumpkin muffin at Fit & Fuel Cafe to feed my ride.

Wild pig road kill. Welcome to Florida.

Grabbing a Twix and fresh Gatorade at the 7-11. Didn't they have a team once?
 Thursday at 10:47am near Estero, FL

Nice little morning metric. It's not the heat - it's the humidity. Actually, it's both.
 Thursday at 12:13pm near Naples, FL

Hanging out with my lovely wife at the Collier County government center. We want license plates for "Share the Road." We also have to pay our property tax.

Share the Road plates for our cars

The day went on from there, of course, but I just couldn't keep posting stuff to Facebook. I obviously lack the level of narcissism required for chronic Facebook diarrhea.

Thinking about it later, however, I came to the realization that Facebook is every individual's opportunity to write, direct, and star in their own reality show. You only air the highlights, of course. Does anybody really want to watch you sleep ... other than creepy people? And, you edit out the stuff that reflects poorly upon you. Nobody ever posts something like, "Just spent half an hour sucking up to my boss, pretending to be fascinated with 'Dancing with the Stars.' He says he might give me a bigger cubicle."

Then I thought more about it, and decided that the only thing that could possibly be more lame would be to regularly write a blog about yourself. You'd have to be a real loser to do that.

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